he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
soo... how was my night?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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