dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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