he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
