Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Can Purell be used as lube?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Are these your boobs on my camera?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
