i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
