Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
