I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
