she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
