I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
