god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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