I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
