I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
