he thought i was a dude.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
