fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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