Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
