and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We have started to decorate penises.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
