The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
