addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
