Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
