i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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