hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Randomize
