Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
