how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
