I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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