you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
