is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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