She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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