My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
