yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
