It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
