My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
We just shotgunned beers for America
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
