that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
