i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
