tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
