Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
