So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
