You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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