i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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