I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
