Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
