Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
