girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
