I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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