dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
