I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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