White coat. Heels.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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