Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
