All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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