I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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