Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
