i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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