I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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