well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
It was confusing and full of hummus
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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